


when he died

by suckrrpunch



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Blood, Deathfic, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Minor Injuries, Sad Peter Nureyev, give the man a hug, this is sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckrrpunch/pseuds/suckrrpunch
Summary: he's gone, all gone, all gone.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	when he died

you are cold. you're so cold. 

and your hands are shaking, your chest is heaving, and your arms quiver, and you feel so, so cold. 

you cannot tell if the shaking you're feeling is from the ships engine or from shock or if you're just really, really cold. 

you dare a glance down at your hands. 

something you shouldn't have done. 

because now all you see is red and all you can feel is the warmth of his blood on your hands and you try, you try desperately despite your trembling hands, to hold him close. because your goddess is in pain, and saints, you would do anything in the universe, anything on this dammed planet to stop it. 

all you can see is his face, its not right, he's never looked so devoid of color before. 

and your lady has never not been colorful. 

and now your lady is quiet, silent. 

say something say something say _something_. 

_anything_. 

please, please. 

I can't, 

you can't, you can't loose him again. 

you can't, not again. 

but your prayers do not matter now. 

because you sit now, in your bed, and you only know one thing. 

juno steel is gone. 

and you _promised._

_you promised_ that you wouldn't let yourself loose him again. that you would do everything you could to keep him here, with you. 

but words and prayers aren't enough. 

you weren't enough. 

you were supposed to be an angel, to protect this goddess. 

but you couldn't save him before, 

and you couldn't save him now. 

you lost him, again. 

and this time you can't just pretend that he's just going for a walk, that he'll be back through that door in a minute, he just needs time to breathe. 

this time you can't leave mars and file it away. 

because he's gone. 

he's gone, all gone. 

and peter nureyev was only alive with juno steel. 

and you're still so, so cold and you're still shaking. but then you feel a hand in your hair and for a moment everything stops. 

maybe your goddess isn't gone. 

but when you will your eyes up to meet your lady's own, through tears you see that it isn't your juno. of course it isn't. 

'ransom, darling, I know it hurts, but right now I need you to drink this and afterwords we'll get you cleaned up and then we will talk' 

she slips you a black mug, and you don't even get to read what it says because you're still shaking, and your dammed hands loose their grip, and when it collides with the ground black shards spill across your floor. 

and with those same shaking hands you try to clean up the mess you've made, but the edge of a shard cuts at your palm, and now there is more blood covering your hands, and all you can see is him laying there, _dying,_ cradled in your arms. 

you're on the floor now and the whatever was in the mug has soaked through your shirt and it _burns_ but that doesn't matter because you're still so, so cold. 

you don't know how long you've been lying on the floor, 

_like juno,_

until a sure set of hands guides you back onto your bed. 

'rest peter, darling, we'll get this cleaned up later' 

and you don't _care_

you don't _care_ about the shards of painted _glass_ on your floor 

and you don't _care_ about how you have to clean up 

and you don't _care_ about how mad vespa is going to be that you are probably going to have an infection on your palm now. 

you don't _care._

because he's gone. 

and you can't just file it away. 

because you love him, 

and it hurts too much, because he isn't here anymore so how can you tell him that? 

your bed feels so cold without him. 

your room is so dark without his flickering smile. 

and you are shaking again. 

because he's gone, all gone, all gone. 

and in the dark of what used to be our room you allow a wrecked sob to claw its way up your throat and into the cold room and with it you whisper, 

'I miss him' 

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry that this was sad, but im SAD AND PROJECTING so take this *john mulaney voice* 'go, FETCH'
> 
> uh, this is my first fic so lemme know what i can do to improve
> 
> title is from 'when he died' by lemon demon


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